How often do you look outwards to others to make you happy? When was the last you felt angry with someone for feeling bad – whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or otherwise?
When was the last time you talked in circles to a friend about someone causing you pain or something not being fair – I can think of a fair few examples…
And while it’s very human to look to others to make you happy, the moment that steps into reliance and blame you’re stepping into victim zone and letting someone else determine your happiness – not those powerful inner resources which really determine your sense of peace.
And while making someone else responsible for your happiness is one of the easiest mistakes to make – it’s also one of the slippiest slopes you can go down – creating unhealthy victim-master dynamics in relationships which are just plain bad for everyone.
What Jada Pinkett Teaches Us About Love
For as Jada Pinkett so beautifully explains in the short clip below, while society may suggest that the best mums sacrifice everything for their children or that the best partners do everything for their spouses – this just ain’t what happiness is made of.
In actual fact, what really happens if you spend too much of your life focusing all of your energies on others?
What happens when your perfectly formed children, your life masterpieces, grow up and take paths of their own – which, by the way – may not make you happy?
The shit hits the fan, that’s what.
True happiness and balance is a personal responsibility and it starts from within – whether meditating in the morning, taking time out to plan your next soul-sizzling goal or making yourself the most delicious meal you could possibly imagine – just for you.
And while healthy relationships are a two way street and sometimes require frank communication and accountability, next time you feel unhappy, try to resist pointing that finger of blame outwards.
Instead, ask yourself how you can focus more on project you and let the person who’s taking up so much of your airtime come along for the ride – if they so desire. And watch the balance shift.
So if you do one thing this Christmas, wee one, remember this simple formula:
1. You have a right to be happy;
2. Happiness starts from within;
3. Your inner happiness is what determines the rest.
So learn to be a little more selfish this Christmas – get practising for next year – and watch the rest fall into line – just as it’s meant to.
And for more where that came from, check out Will Smith’s dynamo of a wife here: