Tag Archives: love

The Top 20 Secrets For Avoiding Marriage Breakdown

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\\ **Top-Notch Article Alert** \\ **Shocking Relationship Enhancer** \\ **Revelatory Happiness Enricher** \\

For any man who has ever been confused by what women want;

For any woman who has ever been unsure of what (I imagine) men also want; or

For anyone who has ever wondered what makes some relationships go the distance – while others don’t…

And for anyone keen to maximise their chances of avoiding relationship breakdown of any kind…

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THIS is an excellent article. Not only because it is non-corny account of

\\ Love from the Male Perspective \\

But more because it is a reality-based, soul-centric account of

Lessons Learned the Hard Way from a Man Divorced After 16 Years of Marriage 

Why Bother Implementing The Above?

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Love is a complex business and being in a relationship requires a wholly different mindset to being single. And while some are naturally gifted with high levels of the kind of emotional intelligence which can aid relationship success, this is given. Life is a journey – we all have lessons to learn in the game of love – like all others. Knowing the tried and tested secrets for happy ever-after love that lasts and the difference between deal-makers and deal-breakers, can be the difference between happiness and sadness, longevity and loss.

For me #2 and #16 are the stand-out deal-makers which determine whether I stick with a love or not, invest my heart or walk away.

See what grabs your heart but be prepare to resume reality a dose-load wiser…

#love

#happiness

#longevity

#success

What My Mum Never Taught Me About Love

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“If you can’t see the beauty in her quirks, if you don’t think that maybe she might be a little bit of magic, don’t you dare say that she is just a girl; because she’s a masterpiece”.

Many special people will cross your path in life, wee one – some that your parents adore and you don’t – some your best friends mistrust while you proclaim the contrary – and some who, despite their wondrously unique qualities, leave you wondering if you really, truly know them – deep down inside. That sacred connection – that honesty – that goes by the cheesy but essential barometer called intimacy.

What’s Your Definition Of Love?

Here’s mine.

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When I was a little girl, my mother told me true love is crystal clear. That any doubts – any – mean it’s wrong. And while I understand her abject confidence (knowing my dad as I do) – I just don’t agree. My view of love is a little more shaded, grayscale and a little less black and white. Call it wisdom, experience or naivety, that’s the case.

An awesome, realistic, freeing way to be? Hell yeah. But vulnerability inducing, truth-facing and a whole lot more terrifying – too bloody right.

Where’s The Line Between Storybook Romance And Reality?

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I don’t pretend to be an expert on love – and frankly – mistrust people who do – but what I do know is that while it can be hard to navigate between your wants and needs, your rationale and your instinct, love and lust – the intention to remain real – true – and honest – are all that really count.

A close chum shared her fiancé’s thoughts after an argument recently. His words moved me. “No matter what happens, we have the fundamentals, so we’ll always be ok”.

Safety, reassurance, maturity, knowing. Faith that the fundamentals will carry you through.

How Can You Apply This To Your Daily Life?

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So for any of you wee ones who might be worrying your little minds away this evening, remember this – trust the vibes you get – energy doesn’t lie. Think about how you feel when your instincts are in check and where you feel this – and how you feel when you’re letting your fears get the better of your sense of knowing – and how this manifests itself differently in your body.

For vulnerability is a complex business. At times it can be a great yardstick for danger – like a red traffic light screaming at you – and at other times it can feel like a wobbly, knee-jerk reaction to irrational fear.

But what ultimately separates that fear in the pit of your stomach from true peace of mind – is that intangible sense of knowing and trust – knowing that your bottom line can be met, that the abstract feeling in your gut is right and that lasting love will see you for the masterpiece that you really are.

Sweet dreams xo

#love

#honesty

#intimacy

#knowing

#trust

Why Giving A Little Love Will Bring It Back Tenfold

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What are you chasing as this week unfolds?

What is your driver at the moment and what is it made of? A car shaped treat, a handsome stranger who’s yet to realise your worth or something a little more abstract?

The Buddhists believe real happiness lies in giving – and since they know a thing or too about life – this soul-nourishing instalment from Kahlil Gibran’s spiritual bible, The Prophet – seems pretty compelling.

\\ It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

There are those who give little of the much they have – and they give it for recognition and their hidden desires make their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who give little and give it all. These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those that give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those that give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth \\

Why Bother With Acts Of Giving?

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Whenever we’re involved in acts of giving, we feel markedly happier and more at peace. And acts of giving need not be on a Mother Theresa scale – little acts of kindness go far and wide, whether making someone a cup of tea, making time to ask them how they are or just thinking of another.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So as you make your way through this new week, make giving a part of each day. You’ll feel a true inner contentment and find abundance flows your way

#buddhism

#giving

#love

#peace

The Suprising Ingredient To Successful Marriages: Kahlil Gibran

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Here’s your second soul-nourishing instalment from Kahlil Gibran’s spiritual bible, The Prophet – this time on marriage.

\\ Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Give your hearts but not into each other’s keeping.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cyprus grow not in each other’s shadow \\

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So next time you’re tempted to over-analyse, overbear or overcrowd to keep hold of love, reframe that thought and remember that healthy love leaves space to breathe, move and – just – wait – and – see.

Resist that temptation to be, do and have everything – together – all the time – for it is in absence and longing that desire takes root and appreciation grows.

And should you ever feel out of control, as vulnerability has us all at times in the hands of love, remember – it is in relinquishing control that we gain control – in trusting that we develop trust – and in giving that we receive.

The Wisest Learnings Of All On Love: Kahlil Gibran

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Happy Sunday, wondrous wonder. Enjoy the full fruitiness of the day cos it ain’t over yet!

Starting today, I’ll be sharing some soul-nourishing nuggets of wisdom from an earth-shatteringly thought-provoking book, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

An instant bestseller on publication in 1923, it’s crammed full of lessons galore on those life-defining, key strands of being – the ones which make and break us – the struggles that define and refine us – and the questions which confuse and clarify it all – one way or another.

From freedom, self-knowledge, good, evil, love, marriage and pain – this is wisdom gift-wrapped in all kinds of something special.

Here are some of my favourites on the theme of love, handpicked just for you…

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\\ When love beckons, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tender branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart.

And think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course \\

So remember this as you wade through the maze of love…

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Life is change – life is learning – experience is growth – even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

Clarity doesn’t come from knowing it all – from being picture perfect Facebook happy or seeming so – from never knowing loss or pain, confusion or challenge. Clarity comes from pushing beyond your boundaries, taking risks, daring to care – and having the courage to step outside your comfort zone – again and again.

For it’s only really in knowing our boundaries that we are able to find our rightful place in life and identify with whom we want to sit alongside for the topsy turvy ride – safe in the knowledge that we have tried, tested and learnt – the secrets of our hearts.

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Why Discomfort And Discord Are Your Shortcuts To Bliss

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where Does Your Comfort Zone Begin And End?

I’m guessing a fair few of you gazers are, like me, the types to push yourselves two steps uncomfortably outside your comfort zones – flinging yourselves into new and exciting territories – the kind that zoom in on your greatest fears, your biggest needs and those essential truths waiting to be unlocked somewhere between your heart and your soul – bringing you one step closer to your higher selves – your essence – your peace and your joy. Those heart-stopping – am I nuts, asking – scary – real – authentic moments which tell you you are really LIVING. Those beautiful, non-regretful experiences which tell you – this is what life’s all about. Those snapshots of reality which force you into zones which sometimes confront you with uncomfortable, soul-revealing truths which offer up new and exciting paths on your road to your bliss.

We’re all uniquely different – with different ideas of what feels comfortable, good, exciting and worthwhile – but we’re united in the experience of newness shedding light on all of the above. Those real – nitty-gritty – truth exposing moments which tell us who we really are – what we really need and what pure, unadulterated happiness looks like – to us. Not to our boyfriends or girlfriends – not to our family or friends – not to our sisters or brothers – just little old us.

Why Being Out Of Your Depth Is So Enriching

Having lived in London, Madrid and France in the space of a year, throwing myself into new languages, new companies, new social scenes and new sports (white water rafting and canyoning make skiing look easy…), I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been challenges along the way. The extreme, spectacular climes of Chamonix and Castellane, while awesome in their beauty, are a world away from the soul-nourishing cityscape of Madrid – that magical place which lulls your soul to the gentle pace of sangria, tapas and those reassuring words: ‘mañana, mañana’.

And while I’m driven wholeheartedly by the saying, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone” – I’ve also realised – amidst the beautiful canyons of the Gorge du Verdon in the South of France – what my greatest needs – and my limitations – most surely are.

What You Can Extract From Challenging Environments

Mostly – I’ve accepted the following – as you may also have done in new and challenging environments, wee gazer – and you know what? It’s a big relief:

\\ This above all, to thine own self be true. Even if your nearest and dearest think you really should be flinging yourself off 12 metre rocks into icy cold rapids, if you’re not digging it, that’s totally cool. In fact, the coolest thing in the world it to be totally – unashamedly you.

\\ We all have our unique selling points – so avoid comparing yourself to others. Their idea of normal might be your idea of wonky – and if you start throwing yourself into wonky too much – you’ll start to feel pretty wonky yourself. One supremely outdoorsy, French chum here looked truly confused when I said my twin might not appreciate a day trip white water rafting as a wedding gift – asking with an utterly bemused expression, ‘what DOES she do in her spare time?’ I gently explained she’s pretty busy running her own business in London and loves bars and restaurants – a lot. The fog still didn’t clear… So embrace your norms, sit proudly in ‘em – and if anyone tries to make you feel bad for not wanting to move too far from what feels like home – stand confidently where feels good – and maybe gently ask yourself whether you’re really where you belong.

\\ Never forget to put your needs first. “Love seeketh not itself to please” n all, but if you’re too nice, too concerned with the needs of others before your own, guaranteed you’ll end up frustrated – or worse still – unhappy. You may even – unconsciously – sabotage a relationship you may be desperately trying to accommodate. The sexiest thing you can ever be is your own – independent – unapologetic – self – whether that’s standing a would-be partner up for a cringeworthy tea-party with squealy girlfriends or having the courage to let someone realise they – or their habitat of choice – while fun for an adventure – may not be your kinda world longterm.

So stay true to your needs, today, wee Gazer – those ever changing soul-nourishers which make you feel alive – however silly or unconventional they may be – whether meeting new people, learning new things, living near cities or my good old friend – variety – in every, single, beautiful form. Love will always be if it’s meant to be – and the surest way to find happiness – YOUR way – in and outside of your comfort zone – is to focus on YOU – what you really want – what you really dig – and what really ignites your soul – what brings you alive – what alights your power – what lights up a room. If you stay close to these, you’ll never stray too far from home.

#‎happytuesday

#‎pushyourself

#‎butbeyourself

Why Your Standards Can Never Be Too High

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“When I was working on my doctorate, I discovered on the last day that my thesis was ten pages short, and he left his own office to run whatever errands I needed. He didn’t even have a car. He took a rickshaw. I had a dream when I was deciding whether or not to marry him. I was falling through the air, but I didn’t feel any fear, because I knew that he would catch me”

Hunza Valley, Pakistan Humans Of New York

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Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re over-sensitive or that your standards are too high, wee one. Those standards are the ones which, when met, lead to true and lasting love – which steps up when you need it most.

And remember, we all have different norms because we’ve all had different upbringings and experiences. If others perceive yours to be too high, it may be that they haven’t had the good fortune of seeing this kind of action for real. I have – and it warms my heart.

 

 

The Real Reason That Self Love Is The True Healer

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Happy Monday, wee ones :)

After twinnie’s beautiful wedding and a few emotional attendees present – who have been on journeys far and wide – geographical and otherwise – it seems timely to remind ourselves of the power of self-love in achieving our happy ever afters, whether weddings, careers, friendships or otherwise.

We’ve all been there – bound in that tricky cycle of self-criticism that rears its ugly head when we’re at our more vulnerable – but we’re united in the positive growth that takes seed in those moments – in our strength as well as our humanity – to cherish our hearts – to nurture our souls – and to pull every positive learning we can from this journey called life.

So be kind to yourself today, wee one. We’re all in this together.

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#selflove

#happiness

#journey

The Secret Ingredients To Relationship Success

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Happiest of Mondays, wee beauty. If it’s not sunny where you are, I hope you have something super fun planned at the end of your day to celebrate being back in the working week flow.

I’ve written more than usual on relationship transitions recently – especially for those amongst you who I know are going through challenging times at the moment. In the interim of you discovering your wiser self and savouring the clarity that is coming to you, I’d like to share a couple of wonderful pearls which will help you see the wood for the trees – some of which I’ve learnt through what hasn’t worked so well and some through watching the happiest of couples work their way together – forever (spot my twinnie with her soon-to-be husband to be in picture 1):

\\ “If someone doesn’t find your requirements valid or important, I think that says enough”. Subject to your needs not being the wrong side of nutty, if you’re after the normal stuff like transparency and openness, don’t beat yourself up if someone else isn’t after the same things. Instead, recognise what that feeling in your gut is telling you – that they may struggle to bring you your version of security longterm – that solace in the pit of your stomach that tells you that you’re safe and that this person is worth risking your heart for. No matter how awesome they may be, a love interest who is unable to give you peace of mind might just be a big deal – in the wrong way;

\\ “Don’t go changing”. Wise words from the dearest of men. You are beautiful just as you are, wee one. A soul who fits you and your heart will go to the moon and back to understand you – even if it’s not easy at first glance (men are from Mars, after all). So by all means be open to learning and compromise but resist trying to change the very needs that anchor you – a fundamental difference between the two of you is likely to be an ongoing issue.

\\ Be with someone who shares your core values. Whether honesty, fidelity, lifestyle or otherwise, if your versions of the foundations of long-lasting love are different, that lovin’ feeling may not be around for as long as you’d like. So try to be true to yourself and honour, love and cherish your core beliefs, first and foremost – they’re the result of some pretty solid rocks called nature and nurture - and probably won’t be changing too much – even if your love goggles tell you otherwise;

\\ Your non-negotiables in a relationship come from a place of beauty, courage and strength. Love seeketh not itself to please, so give someone the space to be, do or have what they need to be happy, but if there’s something YOU need to hear and you’re not getting that, consider that maybe your emotional needs are more divergent than convergent – more prone to disharmony later than everlasting love. Ouch – I know – but trust me when I say short-term pain means long-term gain.

**In other words, wee Gazer, try to be as true to yourself as you can be over the big stuff. Work on knowing who you are, what makes you feel most secure, what your non-negotiables are and chat to people who remind you of these if you’re struggling to get clarity. Because once you’ve reminded yourself of what makes you tick deep down inside – what’s happening around you when you are at your most radiant – powerful – magnetic – and happy – the right things in life will just flow your way – you’ll see – energised by those magical laws of attraction that work in such mysterious ways.

You Are Not Alone: How Heartbreak Heals And Why I Should Know

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Happy Tuesday, wee Gazer :)

If you’re one of my big-hearted Gazers suffering from heartbreak, heartache or any kind of crise de coeur at the moment, I’m here to tell you you’re not alone.

Contrary to Facebook usually being a place of smug love shots, one of my friends posted a painful diary type entry last week starting “32 and single”. She’d just split from her fiancé of five years and was feeling anything but smug. Another friend has just split from her love of 9 years, while another beauty was stunned by the sudden end of a relationship that she thought might be just what she’d been waiting for.

I’ve been there myself and I know all too well the pain of something you’d imagined lasting forever, ending. The horrible, blood stopping realisation that things aren’t to be how you imagined – that surreal acceptance that knows deep down (reluctantly but starkly) – that there’s no going back – things have – somehow – changed.

I’m not going to lie – it’s not easy – it may even be one of the most painful experiences of your life – maybe the worst – but it WILL pass – eventually – with time, love and more love from you family, friends and yourself. I know because I’ve been there.

We were all stunned – blindsided – it made no sense at the time – but with the benefit of hindsight – it really did – it made sense – and it stopped hurting. And you know what? The underlying incompatibilities I eventually saw make me all the more grateful for finding the strong, opinionated man I’m with today and for the quiet calm that knows, deep down – that however vulnerable I feel – whatever happens – I will be alright – time moves on, hearts mend and the universe will bring love again. Usually a far deeper kind.

So, if you’re one of my lovely Gazers feeling far from yourself right now, believe me when I say that you WILL feel yourself again. And while there’s no quick fix, the positive lessons and strength that will grow out of that feeling of raw vulnerability – that sense of nearly losing yourself entirely – will become the seeds of your future happiness, gratitude and certainty – and when your true love finds you – you will be so much richer for your past losses – so much more grateful, blessed and able to cope with the slings and arrows that life throws your way – in every sense.

And if nothing else, hold onto the hopeful words of Victor Hugo:

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”.

Sending you big bear hugs full of love ox

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#love

#loss

#pain

#hope