Tag Archives: loss

My 3 Top Tips For Overcoming Heartache

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Happy Monday, Gazers.

Inspired by a Facebook pop-up from 10 years ago, this is a top mindset tip for anyone who has ever:

  • Suffered heartbreaking betrayal that took your breath away and knocked you for six — for some time to come;
  • Struggled to believe in the goodness of others and worried that your ability to trust was gone for good;
  • Worried that the old you was lost forever, replaced by a new jaded model with the kind of baggage that would break the back of the strongest of porters.

A Personal Tale Of Pain & Loss

The picture below was me at university with my first love. A lovely, giddy, gentle love for much of our five year romance — the kind of love others seemed to aspire to — the kind of love that stirred boyish wonderings about babies and forevers — the kind of love that went on to break my heart into a million pieces and make me question whether honesty, integrity and trust could ever really exist again.

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Discovering that the man I’d trusted had been living a double-life was breath-taking in all the wrong ways – for me — my family — and anyone who had known us.

I’m not going to lie – the revelation knocked me for six — right before 12 law exams that challenge students even in their rightest of minds. In short – it was a twist in the fairytale like I had never imagined — a complete loss of innocence that left a gaping hole in my soul — my self-esteem — and my ability to trust for some time to come. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about if you’ve experienced something similar.

But I’m not here to mope on the downs – for thankfully they are now long gone. I’m here to share my top tips for lifting you out of real, back-breaking trauma – of any kind:

1. Get Some Counselling.

When you’ve experienced the kind of shock that shakes you to your core whether romantic, professional or otherwise, help yourself heal through counselling. Sharing overwhelming feelings will help you process your emotions, deal with your vulnerability and move forward into positive relationships that are good for you.

2. Remember How Far You’ve Come. 

Rebuilding yourself when you feel blindsided takes huge amounts of courage and strength. Even the smallest of steps are to be celebrated. Make sure you celebrate these weekly in a journal and watch your growth — maybe not back to the old you — but a new, wiser, stronger version of your old self.

3. Know That Suffering Is The Root Of Enlightenment. 

As Ekhart Tolle says: ‘The down cycle is absolutely essential for spiritual realisation’ – or put another way – ‘The wound is the place the light enters you’ (Rumi). So when you’re feeling low, remember, that’s the root from which strength and wisdom grow – the best basis for a life bursting with consciousness, empathy, presence and deep fulfilment.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

So while that pain body may have dented the old you more than a little, know that nothing is truly permanent and the sun will rise again. And that countless others have gone through, survived and blossomed after soul-shaking challenges. Reframe your pain a little like that, if you can, and watch the law of attraction bring abundance and happiness your way.

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Till Death Us Do Part: Could Your Marriage Last 80 Years?

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“I would argue that the best option is a happy partnership, but the next best option is happy singledom. I’ve known many friends and clients who are much happier now that they’re not in their relationship. Of course, there are single people who are unhappy without a companion, but from what I’ve seen, the unhappiest option is an unhappy marriage, because you don’t just have yourself to cope with”.

Susan Quilliam, Relationship Psychologist

If you’ve ever yearned after:

1. The happy ever after;
2. A Facebook fairytale to rival the weekly weddings clogging up your newsfeed; or
3. Wondered whether love really can last forever

this article is a must-read.

“If you have 30 more years after retirement, why stick with the same old same old when you might find someone better?”

Embracing love in all its complexities, Moya Sarner’s analysis is realistic, surprising, romantic and unromantic all at once, reminding us that marriage is anything but something to be pressured into.

So if you’re feeling rushed by the tick tocking of the clock or anything else for that matter, check out the tale of the 77 year old who found a relationship to rival her daughter’s – or the 60 year old man who found wedded bliss second time round – far deeper than number 1.

For more where that came from, read on here.

You won’t regret it.

Sheryl Sandberg: What Her Vulnerability Teaches Us About Grief And Love

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“Sheryl Sandberg’s ability to find such meaning and write so eloquently in the darkest of times is so inspiring and will help so many people coping with grief and loss in their own lives. Thank you for being such a true leader, in every sense”.

Randi Zuckerberg

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Whether you’ve suffered the loss of a loved one yourself or would like to learn more about how to support someone who has, Sheryl Sandberg’s account of her grief since her husband, Dave Goldberg’s, sudden death last month, is as powerful as it is inspiring.

The COO of Facebook and the bestselling author of ‘Lean In: Women, Work and the Will To Lead’ she may be, but this lady is far more than your run of the mill corporate machine.

Her bravery in opening her heart to the world at such a painful time is only matched by her eloquence in expressing the most complex emotions with such softness and love. More than that, her ability to empathise with others at such a traumatic time, from her mother’s pain to her colleagues’ and fellow parents’ awkwardness, shows her in her full beauty.

The death of her husband, who was, by public reaction alone, clearly a remarkable and generous man, also reminded me of her truly powerful advice about marriage:

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

If her grief is a measure of her love for her husband, which it surely is, we really should take note.

Read her full account here.

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#sherylsandberg

#love

#loss

#vulnerability 

Top Tips On How To Mend A Broken Heart

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“Some of you may already know that towards the end of last year a significant and long-term relationship in my life came to an end. I shared bits and pieces of this experience in my work, but overall it was a very deep and private experience.

This break up was one of those huge, life altering moments for me. I was floored. Broken. Devastated. For months I waded through emotions of grief, pain, hurt, anger, abandonment and total resistance.

And then, a few months ago something shifted…”

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Connie Chapman - Life Coach, Speaker and Writer

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 Very few of us come out of love in one piece.

And while some may say that those who avoid heartbreak are the lucky ones, 

I’m not so sure…

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After reading Connie Chapman’s heartfelt article, “How To Let Go Of A Past Relationship And Mend A Broken Heart“, I feel a quieter confidence that while heartbreak can take us down truly painful paths, these often end up being deeply transformative journeys, elucidating who we are and leading to true meaning.

Striking the perfect balance between honesty, pain, optimism and hope, Connie’s personal tale of love and loss provides truly comforting and credible tips on how to heal and grow from heartbreak.

So if you find yourself struggling down that painful path yourself or you’re having a hard time letting go of the past, take comfort in Connie’s words and see how you can channel your pain into positives.

Read her tender, loving piece here.

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#hope

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Hope is the thing with feathers by Emily Dickinson

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Is Your Job Taking Over Your Life?

“Hi, I my name’s John. I’ve been lurking for a while, but I’ve finally made an account to post this. I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I’m a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.” 

Whether you’re a banker, lawyer, chef or teacher, if your job is taking over your existence, read this article.

It may change your life.