Tag Archives: balance

Till Death Us Do Part: Could Your Marriage Last 80 Years?

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“I would argue that the best option is a happy partnership, but the next best option is happy singledom. I’ve known many friends and clients who are much happier now that they’re not in their relationship. Of course, there are single people who are unhappy without a companion, but from what I’ve seen, the unhappiest option is an unhappy marriage, because you don’t just have yourself to cope with”.

Susan Quilliam, Relationship Psychologist

If you’ve ever yearned after:

1. The happy ever after;
2. A Facebook fairytale to rival the weekly weddings clogging up your newsfeed; or
3. Wondered whether love really can last forever

this article is a must-read.

“If you have 30 more years after retirement, why stick with the same old same old when you might find someone better?”

Embracing love in all its complexities, Moya Sarner’s analysis is realistic, surprising, romantic and unromantic all at once, reminding us that marriage is anything but something to be pressured into.

So if you’re feeling rushed by the tick tocking of the clock or anything else for that matter, check out the tale of the 77 year old who found a relationship to rival her daughter’s – or the 60 year old man who found wedded bliss second time round – far deeper than number 1.

For more where that came from, read on here.

You won’t regret it.

A Toolkit For Happiness: 4 Steps To A More Fulfilling Life

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“Happiness can be found, in even the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light”

JK Rowling  ☂ ☼ ☆

If you’ve been:

△ Feeling a bit blue or out of sorts;
△ Wondering how to re-inject the joy into your joie de vivre; or
△ Asking yourself if life’s all it’s cracked up to be

this article by Elissa @Favor the Bold Communications is for you ♡

A 5-minute toolkit with a sad start, I guarantee these tips from the top will give you some easy to implement magic resources to put the spring back in your step ♫

The 10 Minute Magic Trick Back To Happiness

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What’s the sign that you’re truly ‪#‎happy‬?

What’s that feeling you get that tells you that all is exactly as it should be?

How do you know that something or someone is right for you?

For me, it was a bit of a surprise to discover it was a feeling of PEACE.

Times I’ve Felt Peaceful Include:

♧ When I left London for Madrid and then the mountains;
♧ When I left law for life coaching;
♧ When I write.

What Causes Calm?

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Living life in accordance with your values - those things which make you tick – your internal drivers – your silent anchors which, when honoured and engaged, make you feel alive and at peace.

What Causes Niggling Unease?

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If you’re feeling out of sorts at the moment – like you’re not quite where you’re meant to be – not doing a job you enjoy – not spending time with the right people – or not living in the right place – that’s likely because you’re not living your life in accordance with your values.

Maybe that’s because you feel too busy to take time out, too overwhelmed to think straight or maybe you’ve simply never sat down and worked out what really makes you tick.

The great news is, that feeling of unease is easy to resolve if you take a step back and spend ten minutes working out your values.

How To Recapture Your Va-Va-Voom 

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Tap into the real you by formulating a list of your 8-10 core drivers – the things which give you purpose – by asking yourself:

♧ What am I doing when I’m happiest? 
♧ What couldn’t I do without in my life?
♧ What would my ideal day involve?
♧ If I had all the money in the world, what would I be doing?
♧ If time was no object, where would you find me?

Your list may include words like: 

‪#‎freedom‬ ‪#‎friends‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎writing‬ ‪#‎nature‬ ‪#‎travel‬ ‪#‎money‬ and more.

It’s totally personal.

Now put those words in order of priority.  

Once you’ve done that you should be able to spot the cause of your unease.

Which one of those values isn’t being met at the moment? If it’s a value near the top of your list, chances are you’re feeling all kinds of funny.

Don’t Believe Me?

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You can test your values by looking back at times in your life when you felt unlike yourself – whether an ill-fitting relationship or an unfulfilling job. Review your values list against each scenario and I’ll bet you can identify which need wasn’t being met and why you felt so strange. Bear in mind, though, that your values evolve over time so what may have mattered to you ten years ago may hold less significance now.

The Magic Bullet

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Having identified your needs, ask yourself what can you do to realign your ‪#‎life‬ with your ‪#‎values‬.

Savour how much more confident you feel making a ‪#‎change‬ now you understand why you feel the way you do.

How Being More Selfish Is The Best Way To Love

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How often do you look outwards to others to make you happy? When was the last you felt angry with someone for feeling bad – whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or otherwise?

When was the last time you talked in circles to a friend about someone causing you pain or something not being fair – I can think of a fair few examples…

And while it’s very human to look to others to make you happy, the moment that steps into reliance and blame you’re stepping into victim zone and letting someone else determine your happiness – not those powerful inner resources which really determine your sense of peace.

And while making someone else responsible for your happiness is one of the easiest mistakes to make – it’s also one of the slippiest slopes you can go down – creating unhealthy victim-master dynamics in relationships which are just plain bad for everyone.

What Jada Pinkett Teaches Us About Love

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For as Jada Pinkett so beautifully explains in the short clip below, while society may suggest that the best mums sacrifice everything for their children or that the best partners do everything for their spouses – this just ain’t what happiness is made of.

In actual fact, what really happens if you spend too much of your life focusing all of your energies on others?

What happens when your perfectly formed children, your life masterpieces, grow up and take paths of their own – which, by the way – may not make you happy?

The shit hits the fan, that’s what.

**Newsflash**

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True happiness and balance is a personal responsibility and it starts from within – whether meditating in the morning, taking time out to plan your next soul-sizzling goal or making yourself the most delicious meal you could possibly imagine – just for you.

And while healthy relationships are a two way street and sometimes require frank communication and accountability, next time you feel unhappy, try to resist pointing that finger of blame outwards.

Instead, ask yourself how you can focus more on project you and let the person who’s taking up so much of your airtime come along for the ride – if they so desire. And watch the balance shift.

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So if you do one thing this Christmas, wee one, remember this simple formula:

1. You have a right to be happy;
2. Happiness starts from within;
3. Your inner happiness is what determines the rest.

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So learn to be a little more selfish this Christmas – get practising for next year – and watch the rest fall into line – just as it’s meant to.

And for more where that came from, check out Will Smith’s dynamo of a wife here:

Steve Jobs: What His Deathbed Regrets Teach Us About Happiness

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“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to”

Steve Jobs

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Happy Christmas, wee ones. Christmas isn’t a time of joy for everyone – but however you feel about the impending festivities – excited, romantic, lonely, irritated – cherish your time off the treadmill of life to consider what matters most.

Steve Jobs, the man who seemed to have it all, said it pretty well from his deathbed.

So pour yourself a mug of summit warm and absorb every nugget of wisdom in the words below – for those for whom time is short are the ones who truly see life for what it is, how it should be lived and how it shouldn’t:

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“At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life support machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

There should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days.

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

Those are the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? The sick bed…

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.

Treat yourself well.

Cherish others”.

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Liz Gilbert: Why Soulmates Are The Opposite Of What You Think

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“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life” 

Elizabeth Gilbert, International Bestselling Author Of Eat Pray Love

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Elizabeth Gilbert’s musings on what constitutes soul mates resonates with me more than any of the sugary stuff I’ve come across over the years – especially in the wake of a few seemingly wonderful partnerships ending of late – the very ones I’d speculated were some of the most ‘perfect’ of the lot.

While I’ve never been married, I’ve experienced and witnessed a rainbow spectrum of loves in my time – all teaching positive lessons along the way (even if some felt a little more negative at points..)

Confusing and clarifying, deadening and electrifying, stressing and soothing, love is one of the greatest levellers in life, holding a mirror up to who we really are, what we want and also what we need.

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And it’s those unexpected endings I mentioned that got me thinking more about soul mates than any of the picture perfect love stories – what soul mates are, how they feel, how this differs for each of us and how knowing what you want in a soul mate may just be one of the great makers or breakers of longterm love.

And if you’re wondering why Elizabeth should know anything about the game of love, here’s why I think she does.

She had the balls to leave her first marriage and (literally) pick herself up off her bathroom floor – spirit in tatters – to embark on a year-long, soul-peeling pilgrimage to rediscover herself – where she unexpectedly discovered her soul mate (in Brazil).

Here’s a lady who has seen both sides of the coin – the good, bad and the just plain ugly – and blissfully happy though she seems, her view of love seems refreshingly uncanny, candid and striking.

I hope you enjoy xo

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13 Stress Relieving Habits That Could Change Your Life

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“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass”

Timber Hawkeye

Happy Tuesday, wee ones – almost hump day!! I read this article recently which I absolutely loved by Pop Sugar – “13 Stress-Inducing Habits and How to Avoid Them”. It’s full of practical ideas which bring balance to over-stretched lives (sound familiar?) – mentally, physically and most importantly – spiritually. Yes. It’s balm to the soul.

From drinking too much caffeine (you know that funny state of over alertness which conquers fatigue but can leave you feeling all kinds of sketchy…) to lack of exercise and constantly venting to friends (I’ve definitely been guilty of this in vulnerable moments – and it doesn’t always help) – these tips are as surprising as they are helpful.

So, if you feel like enhancing your life in 5 minutes, here are some things that stressed-out people tend to do and tips to break the habits – http://www.popsugar.com/sma…/Habits-Stressed-People-34935933. Enjoy :)

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#stress

#tips

#balance

#calm

The Secret Of The Best Relationships: And Why I Should Know

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How’s this for a Thursday thought, wee Gazer? A nugget of wisdom from the wise old soul I’m staying with here in Madrid.

“A good relationship requires BALANCE. Two people who equal each other out and are there for each other no matter what”.

My parents are a case in point – still together 44 years on and couldn’t be more different in some ways.

My mum is a feisty Aries – my dad is a measured Libra.

The mischievous spirit and fruity language of my pint-sized mum is countered by my dad’s calm logic and measured tones.

Where she is warm, chatty and fizzier than the sourest Haribo Tangtastic, he is understated and reflective with the command of a judge (poor boyfriends).

And where she is emotionally intelligent and a real people reader, he is a savvy intellectual, negotiating his way through the commercial world through what he doesn’t say, more than what he does.

What one has, the other doesn’t and vice versa.

And like all good couples, they have grown together in balance – and brought balance to each other – through the bad times and the good.

When my brother was on his last legs and my dad didn’t know how to deal with the strong emotions he felt – because he’d been taught this was weak – my mum was there to guide him through.

Adversely when my mum finds her feistiness putting less outspoken noses out of joint (it does happen!), my dad is there, championing the strong spirit he fell in love with.

There will always be highs and lows in life and love (who knew, Cinderella lied!) – and it’s at those bumps in the road, the times where things don’t go quite right, that this balance becomes so powerful and nourishing.

And I guess that’s what makes being there for each other – no matter what – so extraordinarily worthwhile.

So savour the balance in your relationships today wee, Gazer.

It’s the glue which binds a fruitful team. A team able to get through adversity – together – for the benefit of everyone – with the combined skill and fortitude which makes even the hardest of times so much easier to bear.

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#balance

#yinyang

#sustainablelove

#inspiration