The Secret Ingredients To Relationship Success

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Happiest of Mondays, wee beauty. If it’s not sunny where you are, I hope you have something super fun planned at the end of your day to celebrate being back in the working week flow.

I’ve written more than usual on relationship transitions recently – especially for those amongst you who I know are going through challenging times at the moment. In the interim of you discovering your wiser self and savouring the clarity that is coming to you, I’d like to share a couple of wonderful pearls which will help you see the wood for the trees – some of which I’ve learnt through what hasn’t worked so well and some through watching the happiest of couples work their way together – forever (spot my twinnie with her soon-to-be husband to be in picture 1):

\\ “If someone doesn’t find your requirements valid or important, I think that says enough”. Subject to your needs not being the wrong side of nutty, if you’re after the normal stuff like transparency and openness, don’t beat yourself up if someone else isn’t after the same things. Instead, recognise what that feeling in your gut is telling you – that they may struggle to bring you your version of security longterm – that solace in the pit of your stomach that tells you that you’re safe and that this person is worth risking your heart for. No matter how awesome they may be, a love interest who is unable to give you peace of mind might just be a big deal – in the wrong way;

\\ “Don’t go changing”. Wise words from the dearest of men. You are beautiful just as you are, wee one. A soul who fits you and your heart will go to the moon and back to understand you – even if it’s not easy at first glance (men are from Mars, after all). So by all means be open to learning and compromise but resist trying to change the very needs that anchor you – a fundamental difference between the two of you is likely to be an ongoing issue.

\\ Be with someone who shares your core values. Whether honesty, fidelity, lifestyle or otherwise, if your versions of the foundations of long-lasting love are different, that lovin’ feeling may not be around for as long as you’d like. So try to be true to yourself and honour, love and cherish your core beliefs, first and foremost – they’re the result of some pretty solid rocks called nature and nurture¬†- and probably won’t be changing too much – even if your love goggles tell you otherwise;

\\ Your non-negotiables in a relationship come from a place of beauty, courage and strength. Love seeketh not itself to please, so give someone the space to be, do or have what they need to be happy, but if there’s something YOU need to hear and you’re not getting that, consider that maybe your emotional needs are more divergent than convergent – more prone to disharmony later than everlasting love. Ouch – I know – but trust me when I say short-term pain means long-term gain.

**In other words, wee Gazer, try to be as true to yourself as you can be over the big stuff. Work on knowing who you are, what makes you feel most secure, what your non-negotiables are and chat to people who remind you of these if you’re struggling to get clarity. Because once you’ve reminded yourself of what makes you tick deep down inside – what’s happening around you when you are at your most radiant – powerful – magnetic – and happy – the right things in life will just flow your way – you’ll see – energised by those magical laws of attraction that work in such mysterious ways.

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