For those of you who don’t know Liz Gilbert, she’s the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love – a woman who picked herself, suicidal, up off the floor, amidst a ruined marriage and set off on a year’s pilgrimage around the world to find herself. And find herself she did – and her soulmate – with stunning aplomb.
This is a woman with brains, beauty, courage and warmth to boot. There aren’t quite words for souls like these.
Here’s What Liz’ Husband Says About Love
“A woman’s place is in the kitchen, with her feet up with a glass of wine, watching her husband cook her a meal”.
… “He’ll pour me a glass of wine and say, now darling, what happened today? Tell me everything.”
“And I think to myself, how did I win this life?!”
‘I was telling a friend and she said, ”because you blossomed into the sort of person who attracted a man like that and you learned how to treat yourself so well on your own that when someone came along who treated you well, you finally recognised what that feels like – because you’ve been doing it to yourself the whole time.”
“And you’re like – oh he treats me the way I treat myself now – ok let’s go”.
How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?
So if you’re one of my lovely gazers feeling disillusioned with love, remember the great journey Liz went on. A journey devoted to self-care, self-love and self-discovery. A journey which took her from isolation, desperation and depression to the kind of love you just don’t hear about too often – the soaring kind which – as you can see below – brings tears to her eyes. The good kind!
So instead of fixating on the end of your journey, the attainment of your goal, refocus on the journey – a journey rich in love for yourself. Because as Liz herself so beautifully explains, it’s the surest way to wider happiness.
\\ **Top-Notch Article Alert** \\ **Shocking Relationship Enhancer** \\ **Revelatory Happiness Enricher** \\
For any man who has ever been confused by what women want;
For any woman who has ever been unsure of what (I imagine) men also want; or
For anyone who has ever wondered what makes some relationships go the distance – while others don’t…
And for anyone keen to maximise their chances of avoiding relationship breakdown of any kind…
THIS is an excellent article. Not only because it is non-corny account of
\\ Love from the Male Perspective \\
But more because it is a reality-based, soul-centric account of
Why Bother Implementing The Above?
Love is a complex business and being in a relationship requires a wholly different mindset to being single. And while some are naturally gifted with high levels of the kind of emotional intelligence which can aid relationship success, this is given. Life is a journey – we all have lessons to learn in the game of love – like all others. Knowing the tried and tested secrets for happy ever-after love that lasts and the difference between deal-makers and deal-breakers, can be the difference between happiness and sadness, longevity and loss.
For me #2 and #16 are the stand-out deal-makers which determine whether I stick with a love or not, invest my heart or walk away.
See what grabs your heart but be prepare to resume reality a dose-load wiser…
“If you can’t see the beauty in her quirks, if you don’t think that maybe she might be a little bit of magic, don’t you dare say that she is just a girl; because she’s a masterpiece”.
Many special people will cross your path in life, wee one – some that your parents adore and you don’t – some your best friends mistrust while you proclaim the contrary – and some who, despite their wondrously unique qualities, leave you wondering if you really, truly know them – deep down inside. That sacred connection – that honesty – that goes by the cheesy but essential barometer called intimacy.
What’s Your Definition Of Love?
When I was a little girl, my mother told me true love is crystal clear. That any doubts – any – mean it’s wrong. And while I understand her abject confidence (knowing my dad as I do) – I just don’t agree. My view of love is a little more shaded, grayscale and a little less black and white. Call it wisdom, experience or naivety, that’s the case.
An awesome, realistic, freeing way to be? Hell yeah. But vulnerability inducing, truth-facing and a whole lot more terrifying – too bloody right.
Where’s The Line Between Storybook Romance And Reality?
I don’t pretend to be an expert on love – and frankly – mistrust people who do – but what I do know is that while it can be hard to navigate between your wants and needs, your rationale and your instinct, love and lust – the intention to remain real – true – and honest – are all that really count.
A close chum shared her fiancé’s thoughts after an argument recently. His words moved me. “No matter what happens, we have the fundamentals, so we’ll always be ok”.
Safety, reassurance, maturity, knowing. Faith that the fundamentals will carry you through.
How Can You Apply This To Your Daily Life?
So for any of you wee ones who might be worrying your little minds away this evening, remember this – trust the vibes you get – energy doesn’t lie. Think about how you feel when your instincts are in check and where you feel this – and how you feel when you’re letting your fears get the better of your sense of knowing – and how this manifests itself differently in your body.
For vulnerability is a complex business. At times it can be a great yardstick for danger – like a red traffic light screaming at you – and at other times it can feel like a wobbly, knee-jerk reaction to irrational fear.
But what ultimately separates that fear in the pit of your stomach from true peace of mind – is that intangible sense of knowing and trust – knowing that your bottom line can be met, that the abstract feeling in your gut is right and that lasting love will see you for the masterpiece that you really are.
Sweet dreams xo
Here’s your second soul-nourishing instalment from Kahlil Gibran’s spiritual bible, The Prophet – this time on marriage.
\\ Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Give your hearts but not into each other’s keeping.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cyprus grow not in each other’s shadow \\
How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?
So next time you’re tempted to over-analyse, overbear or overcrowd to keep hold of love, reframe that thought and remember that healthy love leaves space to breathe, move and – just – wait – and – see.
Resist that temptation to be, do and have everything – together – all the time – for it is in absence and longing that desire takes root and appreciation grows.
And should you ever feel out of control, as vulnerability has us all at times in the hands of love, remember – it is in relinquishing control that we gain control – in trusting that we develop trust – and in giving that we receive.
Happy Sunday, wondrous wonder. Enjoy the full fruitiness of the day cos it ain’t over yet!
Starting today, I’ll be sharing some soul-nourishing nuggets of wisdom from an earth-shatteringly thought-provoking book, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.
An instant bestseller on publication in 1923, it’s crammed full of lessons galore on those life-defining, key strands of being – the ones which make and break us – the struggles that define and refine us – and the questions which confuse and clarify it all – one way or another.
From freedom, self-knowledge, good, evil, love, marriage and pain – this is wisdom gift-wrapped in all kinds of something special.
Here are some of my favourites on the theme of love, handpicked just for you…
\\ When love beckons, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tender branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart.
And think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course \\
So remember this as you wade through the maze of love…
Life is change – life is learning – experience is growth – even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Clarity doesn’t come from knowing it all – from being picture perfect Facebook happy or seeming so – from never knowing loss or pain, confusion or challenge. Clarity comes from pushing beyond your boundaries, taking risks, daring to care – and having the courage to step outside your comfort zone – again and again.
For it’s only really in knowing our boundaries that we are able to find our rightful place in life and identify with whom we want to sit alongside for the topsy turvy ride – safe in the knowledge that we have tried, tested and learnt – the secrets of our hearts.
“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic”
Happy Truth-bomb Tuesday, wee one. Bet you can guess what today’s inspiration grenade is, can’t you?
Work out what you want, the thing that really excites you, motivates you and gives you a sense of purpose and joy – and go after it – no matter how unattainable others think it is.
How Do You Know If A Dream Is Worth Following Or Not?
For though your nearest and dearest may well get the tune of your spirit better than most, we are all uniquely different (even identical twins) – with different loves and hates – hopes and dreams – and these aren’t always what those closest to you expect – or what you yourself may have believed you believed in. Until now.
For this journey called life is just that – a journey – with twists and turns and highs and lows in the road – and we are constantly evolving travellers treading paths which change shape at every step.
As my lovely coachees so often illustrate, what once seemed like the best ideal in the world may now be but a faraway thought with little passion behind it – one which finds itself replaced with something new, wondrous and thrilling – finding you upgraded with a new identity of sorts.
And this new dream may come out of nowhere – like a cheek-smacking revelation – exciting and scary all at once. But here’s the important point – so listen up good – that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be pursued, no matter what anyone tells you – it probably means it should!
Why Should You Trust Your Instincts?
Case in point – many thought I was mad to leave the comfort of Madrid where I was so happy and fulfilled to go to the mountainous climes of Chamonix but I held fast to my instincts and sure enough, it was a time of awakening, joy, self-development and love. My instincts were spot on – and I’m so glad I followed my heart – not my head.
Of course, there are times when the chatterings of the rationale become louder than the flutterings of your heart – and that’s ok, too – if it feels right – to you.
What’s The Bottom Line?
And if you’re worried that dream-catching is reckless, silly or something fit for different sorts to you, remember – it is anything but.
For as soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.
Happy Friday, wee ones!
I had a cracking coaching session yesterday with a lovely Canadian client who found one technique, in particular, really transformative.
This will be helpful to any Gazers who want to reframe a negative emotion into a positive one. In Keara’s case this was reframing her anxiety, quietening over-thinking and that self-critical inner voice to something more productive, invigorating and self-loving.
How Does Reframing Work?
Let’s say you put yourself down as over-sensitive. How could you reframe that into a more positive statement? How about reframing yourself as a compassionate soul who is highly perceptive, noticing things that go over others’ heads? I’m guessing you can think of at least 2 occasions in your life when this has been massively helpful, whether in relationships, work or other areas.
Or maybe you think you’re too analytical, finding yourself entrenched in thoughts 24/7 and far from the zen you truly crave. How could you reframe that into something more liberating? How about trying to think of yourself as a pro-risk assessor, gifted at weighing up the pros and cons of life’s complexities? I’ll bet this has brought real value to your life in vital areas, whether attention to detail at work or the ability to see situations from different perspectives.
So for any Gazers bogged down in negative self-talk, try this today – write it on a note in your phone and look at it every time your negative inner voice becomes too loud. It really does work.
Want To Know More Where That Came From?
And for any Gazers out there wanting to know more about the transformative effects of coaching, here’s what my lovely client in question kindly shared:
“I am so glad that I had the opportunity to have a coaching session with Melanie. I couldn’t believe how much I got out of our one session! I had many ‘a-ha’ moments and Melanie really helped me to pin down what I wanted to work on and enabled me to see how I could shift my perspective on challenges I was facing. I left the session with clarity and inspiration and actionable steps that I could take to help me achieve my goals. I would highly recommend Melanie as a coach!”
Keara, Qualified Accountant / Trainee Naturopathic Doctor, Canada
“When I was working on my doctorate, I discovered on the last day that my thesis was ten pages short, and he left his own office to run whatever errands I needed. He didn’t even have a car. He took a rickshaw. I had a dream when I was deciding whether or not to marry him. I was falling through the air, but I didn’t feel any fear, because I knew that he would catch me”
Hunza Valley, Pakistan - Humans Of New York
Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re over-sensitive or that your standards are too high, wee one. Those standards are the ones which, when met, lead to true and lasting love – which steps up when you need it most.
And remember, we all have different norms because we’ve all had different upbringings and experiences. If others perceive yours to be too high, it may be that they haven’t had the good fortune of seeing this kind of action for real. I have – and it warms my heart.
“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass”
Happy Tuesday, wee ones – almost hump day!! I read this article recently which I absolutely loved by Pop Sugar – “13 Stress-Inducing Habits and How to Avoid Them”. It’s full of practical ideas which bring balance to over-stretched lives (sound familiar?) – mentally, physically and most importantly – spiritually. Yes. It’s balm to the soul.
From drinking too much caffeine (you know that funny state of over alertness which conquers fatigue but can leave you feeling all kinds of sketchy…) to lack of exercise and constantly venting to friends (I’ve definitely been guilty of this in vulnerable moments – and it doesn’t always help) – these tips are as surprising as they are helpful.
So, if you feel like enhancing your life in 5 minutes, here are some things that stressed-out people tend to do and tips to break the habits – http://www.popsugar.com/sma…/Habits-Stressed-People-34935933. Enjoy
Happiest of Mondays, wee beauty. If it’s not sunny where you are, I hope you have something super fun planned at the end of your day to celebrate being back in the working week flow.
I’ve written more than usual on relationship transitions recently – especially for those amongst you who I know are going through challenging times at the moment. In the interim of you discovering your wiser self and savouring the clarity that is coming to you, I’d like to share a couple of wonderful pearls which will help you see the wood for the trees – some of which I’ve learnt through what hasn’t worked so well and some through watching the happiest of couples work their way together – forever (spot my twinnie with her soon-to-be husband to be in picture 1):
\\ “If someone doesn’t find your requirements valid or important, I think that says enough”. Subject to your needs not being the wrong side of nutty, if you’re after the normal stuff like transparency and openness, don’t beat yourself up if someone else isn’t after the same things. Instead, recognise what that feeling in your gut is telling you – that they may struggle to bring you your version of security longterm – that solace in the pit of your stomach that tells you that you’re safe and that this person is worth risking your heart for. No matter how awesome they may be, a love interest who is unable to give you peace of mind might just be a big deal – in the wrong way;
\\ “Don’t go changing”. Wise words from the dearest of men. You are beautiful just as you are, wee one. A soul who fits you and your heart will go to the moon and back to understand you – even if it’s not easy at first glance (men are from Mars, after all). So by all means be open to learning and compromise but resist trying to change the very needs that anchor you – a fundamental difference between the two of you is likely to be an ongoing issue.
\\ Be with someone who shares your core values. Whether honesty, fidelity, lifestyle or otherwise, if your versions of the foundations of long-lasting love are different, that lovin’ feeling may not be around for as long as you’d like. So try to be true to yourself and honour, love and cherish your core beliefs, first and foremost – they’re the result of some pretty solid rocks called nature and nurture - and probably won’t be changing too much – even if your love goggles tell you otherwise;
\\ Your non-negotiables in a relationship come from a place of beauty, courage and strength. Love seeketh not itself to please, so give someone the space to be, do or have what they need to be happy, but if there’s something YOU need to hear and you’re not getting that, consider that maybe your emotional needs are more divergent than convergent – more prone to disharmony later than everlasting love. Ouch – I know – but trust me when I say short-term pain means long-term gain.
**In other words, wee Gazer, try to be as true to yourself as you can be over the big stuff. Work on knowing who you are, what makes you feel most secure, what your non-negotiables are and chat to people who remind you of these if you’re struggling to get clarity. Because once you’ve reminded yourself of what makes you tick deep down inside – what’s happening around you when you are at your most radiant – powerful – magnetic – and happy – the right things in life will just flow your way – you’ll see – energised by those magical laws of attraction that work in such mysterious ways.