Category Archives: Posts

How To Get Motivated: Reframe Your Pain And Gain Gain Gain

12540795_10153162469495916_5324372448338188026_n-2

consumer-behaviour-team-motivation-4-638

“Satisfied needs do not motivate. It is only the unfulfilled needs that do so”

Stephen Covey, Bestselling Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

When was the last time a grizzly, sick-to-your-stomach inducing situation turned out to be surprisingly positive and expansive?

How did you feel a few months down the line after that terrible break-up, unfair job loss or frightening health scare? Bitter, angry and stuck or grateful, wiser and surprisingly positive?

This is because of of a GEM OF A SECRET I’ll share with you.

The driving force behind motivation – what impels us to action – is produced by a state of tension, which exists as the result of an unfulfilled need

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

This is why being cut loose from situations which no longer serve us – is actually a blessing in disguise – launching us into positive change with an engine of tension-fuelled motivation beneath us.

So you see, the most difficult experiences in life are actually powerful catalysts for positive change

Whether:

1. Losing a job and starting that business you’d dreamed about;
2. Breaking up with someone and taking up a new hobby that opens up a whole new social circle; or
3. Making a fresh start somewhere new and learning new languages and customs which tickle your soul and inspire you creatively

This is why discomfort can be such a powerful driver for growth

and why imagining how you DON’T want your life to be a year down the line is such an effective driver for achieving your goals.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

10986492_10152539982700916_1154554402500774089_n-4

1. Reframe Your Pain - Remember that discomfort and pain are the great catalysts for growth. If you do one thing today, wee Gazer, try reframing pain and discomfort into the positive motivator that it is and turn your attention to the new and exciting ideas and projects which that tension is releasing within you.

2. Get Inspired - The likes of bestselling authors like Cheryl Strayed and Elizabeth Gilbert didn’t get where they are through comfort. Au contraire – they side stepped, jagged, from the grief-stricken wounds of trauma to the high-flying realms of success that see their names in lights today.

Similarly, if you think Steve Jobs and Richard Branson just got lucky, take a look at the challenges they both harnessed to achieve sky-high success. Sackings, imprisonments, betrayals aren’t what you’d expect, are they? If they can do it, why can’t you?

3. Still Struggling? And if you’re not quite there yet, give yourself a breather and remember – those challenges are what make you the person that you are today – and they will be the making of your tomorrow.

The Surprising Legacy David Bowie Gifts Us

12565536_806278652815740_5005560691327508928_n

12540862_806278722815733_5378319604984726043_n

“David Bowie changed the course of my life forever. I never felt like I fitted in growing up in Michigan. I found him so inspiring and innovative. Unique and provocative. Seeing him live set me off on a journey I hope will never end”Madonna

“A master of reinvention who kept getting it right”David Cameron

“He always did what he wanted to do. And he wanted to do it his way. His death was no different from his life – a work of Art”Tony Visconti 

“Every person, when they’re young, thinks they’re the freak, the outsider, the other, and Bowie, through presenting the freak, the outsider, the other, gave people something to relate to”Paul Gambaccini

12bowielondon_web1-master675

Few deaths make headlines across the globe, inspiring tributes at all levels of society from Prime Ministers and Archbishops to musicians and the masses.

And as the snapshot of tributes above show, Bowie’s legacy hinges on far more than his musical talent.

In the spirit of true legacy, Bowie’s life overshadows his death, sustaining and inspiring with a life-like vividness that transcends physical termination.

And as Bowie makes history, never having had a number 1 in America (until now), I ask you, dear Reader, what does Bowie’s death teach us about living? How will our lives be better for absorbing the magic that he leaves in his wake?

10649804_806278779482394_8609715276514482555_n

1. Dare to be different

Whether gay, bisexual, cross-dressing or suit-wearing, treat negative reactions as the projections of fear that they are and move confidently in the direction of your dreams. You will inspire with your authenticity and leave an indelible mark on others that will always be remembered. ‘If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be‘.

2. Do what you love

Self-actualisation sits at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – that feeling that you have led your life with meaning, value and purpose and have made a real contribution to the lives of others. If you’re not sure what your purpose is, play to your strengths and your passions and watch money and happiness abound. As the lyrics of ‘Quicksand‘ go: ‘I’m not a prophet or a stone age man, just a mortal with the potential of a superman’.

3. Never stop being kind and giving love

These are the words which pervade Bowie’s tributes not his $230 million net worth. No matter how high you climb, remember – ‘People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel‘. So be kind – always – for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

4. You are what you believe

As the great man himself said: ‘Even from 8 or 9 years old, I thought, well, I’ll be the greatest rock star in England. I just made up my mind‘. So next time you feel tempted to let entrenched negative thinking get in your way, remember Bowie’s words: ‘It’s the kiss of death in creating something‘.

5. Death can be beautiful

In the words of Henry Scott Holland, ‘Death is nothing at all‘. Bowie remains just as real now, if not more so, for his magnificent departure from life. His taboo breaking work of art, ‘Lazarus‘, released three weeks before his passing, reminds us that death is far more than a physical end. It can also be life-defining, rule defying and positively transcendental. For as Shakespeare so beautifully reminds us, legacy is a life-force which well and truly trumps mortality: ‘So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee‘.

6. Appreciate the now

Bowie’s wife, Iman, recently tweeted: ‘Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory‘. So next time you’re about to mindlessly flick through social media, put your phone away and savour those real, human moments happening all around you. Those are the ones you’ll miss.

Liz Gilbert: An Ode To A Failed New Year

12465850_803075763136029_340979912374708108_o

“Dear Ones -

Perhaps we should all begin this New Year not with brand new resolutions, but with a giant gesture of self-forgiveness for all the resolutions of the past that we never kept.

Let us forgive ourselves for all the things we ever tried to do, but didn’t finish.

Let us forgive ourselves for the times we sabotaged our own best intentions.

Let us forgive ourselves for the diet that lasted only four days.

Let me forgive myself for that time I joined a really expensive gym that was RIGHT IN THE BASEMENT OF MY BUILDING, because — even though I couldn’t afford the fees — I knew that I would have to go to a gym that was RIGHT IN THE BASEMENT OF MY BUILDING…right?! I mean, what kind of loser can’t go down three flights of stairs to go to an amazing gym that’s right in the basement of her building? Except I only went three times during the entire year. (All three times in the first week of my membership, by the way. I know none of you have ever done something like that.)

Let us forgive ourselves for the pile of manuscript pages sitting in the bottom of our desk drawer, that we never quite figured out how to make into a novel.

Let us forgive ourselves for the daily meditation practice that we still have not cultivated.

Let us forgive ourselves for the forgiveness of others that we still haven’t learned how to manage.

Let us forgive ourselves for not being able to stop fucking swearing in front of kids.

Let us forgive ourselves for gossiping, and for beginning sentences with the phrase, “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but…” — and THEN SAYING THE BITCHY THING ANYHOW.

Let us forgive ourselves for letting another year pass in which we did not learn French, or read ULYSSES, or stop eating sugar.

Let us forgive ourselves for all the times we tried to do something of magnitude, but just couldn’t seem to get around to it.

But most of all, let us never let our failures, embarrassments, and shortcomings stop us from TRYING AGAIN.

Are you ashamed of trying again, because you feel like you are nothing but a screw-up?

Do you think you are out of chances in which to try again?

Trust me: You are not out of chances in which to try again.

Do you know how many chances you get to try again?

All of them. All of the chances. Forever.

Today and tomorrow, and this year, and next year, and all the tomorrows to come.

The chances never run out, so long as we are still here.

So let’s all forgive ourselves and then not be afraid to start over.

Remember — we are all just beginners. And we will probably all die beginners. But the only way a beginner can ever have the chance of advancement is by continuing to try.

This is our year, you guys! We can do it!

OR MAYBE THIS ISN’T OUR YEAR!
AND MAYBE WE CAN’T DO IT!
But that’s OK, too.

Let’s just try again, for the hell of it.

Because, seriously — what else are we gonna do with our time?

All of which is to say: I’m really going after it this year, you guys!

AGAIN!
ONWARD”.

Liz Gilbert, Best-selling Author Of Eat Pray Love

The Secret To Goal Setting Like A Millionaire

970948_800291856747753_4942484590471758513_n

1655978_800291253414480_4323591014777700488_n

We’re trained to think of New Year and birthdays as milestones – measures of how far we’ve come and how far we haven’t – and how far we may or may not have to go. Black or white – wow or ouch – you got it – they can feel real abrasive and just plain

s-c-a-r-y

But they don’t have to – and here’s why.

Age is but a number and dates are mere rolling stones of time which are constantly ticking along every second of every day. New Year is no different.

It is, however, a powerful and positive time for reflection.

So reflect on this, wee one.

1379817_800291216747817_8071160237828564815_n

You, yes you, have a heck of a lot more power to control your destiny than you realise – and to change your future.

And ‘milestones’ like year ends can be truly wonderful yardsticks for setting and committing to your future goals in a big and brilliant way.

Sound boring? Au contraire.. More like the best 10 minute investment you could make in your future, reducing anxiety and increasing certainty ten fold.

Especially With The Help Of These

**3 Powerful Secrets To High-Flying Goal Setting**

10300236_800291776747761_3344265842316592448_n

1) The most successful people are goal-orientated. You got it – the Richard Bransons, Steve Jobs’, Venus Williams’ and Oprah Winfreys of the world. You wanna be more successful? In whatever sense whether money, love or career? Get setting goals!

2) What’s the difference between setting a goal and acting on it? Like actually going on the run you plan to go on but never do? Write – it – down. Simples, right? Jot down a positive statement starting with ‘I want’ and include a specific start and end time. Try it – it works!

3) And the best magic trick of all to kick-start your motivational levels? The Rocking Chair Test.

Imagine your life 5 years down the line if you DON’T fulfil your dream (and by dream I mean one you really WANT, not one you think you SHOULD pursue). How bad will you feel? And how will that negatively affect other important areas of your life?

Now imagine how good you’ll feel if your greatest wish comes true? How different does your life feel? How sweet are the sounds, the sights and the resources around you? Breathe that in.

And if you’re still in doubt as to why bother setting goals?

Without goals you are likely to DRIFT and when you drift, you are not in control. You have relinquished your basic right to shape your future. In doing this, you also surrender your freedom of action which restricts your choices and can lead to frustration, anxiety, fear and stress. Who wants those mood-killers eating away at them?

Why Bother?

fce9d41b0b5c8415aaad4bbae4abaa54

So y’see, sitting down for ten minutes this New Years Eve for a dig-deep into your soul session is a one way route to success boomeranging backatcha!

Just one word of warning – when you set an intention and really want it – just be prepared to get it!

 

How Being More Selfish Is The Best Way To Love

10644842_797221757054763_8890899079088831856_n

6e8ab57f4fce4c601846cdbf18bd8233

How often do you look outwards to others to make you happy? When was the last you felt angry with someone for feeling bad – whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or otherwise?

When was the last time you talked in circles to a friend about someone causing you pain or something not being fair – I can think of a fair few examples…

And while it’s very human to look to others to make you happy, the moment that steps into reliance and blame you’re stepping into victim zone and letting someone else determine your happiness – not those powerful inner resources which really determine your sense of peace.

And while making someone else responsible for your happiness is one of the easiest mistakes to make – it’s also one of the slippiest slopes you can go down – creating unhealthy victim-master dynamics in relationships which are just plain bad for everyone.

What Jada Pinkett Teaches Us About Love

0aafe1343f5805904d21467eb046fe95_large

For as Jada Pinkett so beautifully explains in the short clip below, while society may suggest that the best mums sacrifice everything for their children or that the best partners do everything for their spouses – this just ain’t what happiness is made of.

In actual fact, what really happens if you spend too much of your life focusing all of your energies on others?

What happens when your perfectly formed children, your life masterpieces, grow up and take paths of their own – which, by the way – may not make you happy?

The shit hits the fan, that’s what.

**Newsflash**

happiness-is-an-inside-job-quote-1

True happiness and balance is a personal responsibility and it starts from within – whether meditating in the morning, taking time out to plan your next soul-sizzling goal or making yourself the most delicious meal you could possibly imagine – just for you.

And while healthy relationships are a two way street and sometimes require frank communication and accountability, next time you feel unhappy, try to resist pointing that finger of blame outwards.

Instead, ask yourself how you can focus more on project you and let the person who’s taking up so much of your airtime come along for the ride – if they so desire. And watch the balance shift.

10410104_797222673721338_7224646005855262497_n

So if you do one thing this Christmas, wee one, remember this simple formula:

1. You have a right to be happy;
2. Happiness starts from within;
3. Your inner happiness is what determines the rest.

1385519_797222897054649_1017659711299530189_n

So learn to be a little more selfish this Christmas – get practising for next year – and watch the rest fall into line – just as it’s meant to.

And for more where that came from, check out Will Smith’s dynamo of a wife here:

Steve Jobs: What His Deathbed Regrets Teach Us About Happiness

12391183_795676007209338_2178973209597200651_n

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to”

Steve Jobs

10401580_795676803875925_8076507499654752031_n

Happy Christmas, wee ones. Christmas isn’t a time of joy for everyone – but however you feel about the impending festivities – excited, romantic, lonely, irritated – cherish your time off the treadmill of life to consider what matters most.

Steve Jobs, the man who seemed to have it all, said it pretty well from his deathbed.

So pour yourself a mug of summit warm and absorb every nugget of wisdom in the words below – for those for whom time is short are the ones who truly see life for what it is, how it should be lived and how it shouldn’t:

12390887_795676973875908_8320769810186913949_n

“At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life support machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

There should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days.

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

Those are the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? The sick bed…

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.

Treat yourself well.

Cherish others”.

773720_795676443875961_5791269535522721404_o

Liz Gilbert: Why Soulmates Are The Opposite Of What You Think

12342406_793626694080936_740985921395653219_n

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life” 

Elizabeth Gilbert, International Bestselling Author Of Eat Pray Love

12314076_793626610747611_9140958611214512512_n

Elizabeth Gilbert’s musings on what constitutes soul mates resonates with me more than any of the sugary stuff I’ve come across over the years – especially in the wake of a few seemingly wonderful partnerships ending of late – the very ones I’d speculated were some of the most ‘perfect’ of the lot.

While I’ve never been married, I’ve experienced and witnessed a rainbow spectrum of loves in my time – all teaching positive lessons along the way (even if some felt a little more negative at points..)

Confusing and clarifying, deadening and electrifying, stressing and soothing, love is one of the greatest levellers in life, holding a mirror up to who we really are, what we want and also what we need.

12391174_793626754080930_3289698240342710656_n

And it’s those unexpected endings I mentioned that got me thinking more about soul mates than any of the picture perfect love stories – what soul mates are, how they feel, how this differs for each of us and how knowing what you want in a soul mate may just be one of the great makers or breakers of longterm love.

And if you’re wondering why Elizabeth should know anything about the game of love, here’s why I think she does.

She had the balls to leave her first marriage and (literally) pick herself up off her bathroom floor – spirit in tatters – to embark on a year-long, soul-peeling pilgrimage to rediscover herself – where she unexpectedly discovered her soul mate (in Brazil).

Here’s a lady who has seen both sides of the coin – the good, bad and the just plain ugly – and blissfully happy though she seems, her view of love seems refreshingly uncanny, candid and striking.

I hope you enjoy xo

12294814_793626644080941_1869060280684433186_n

 

 

The Magical Tool To Finding The Right Next Step…

12065551_777238922386380_2372854731699922098_n

How Else Do You Know What The Right Path Is?

12193512_777238942386378_3103673951617506158_n-2

Where does your mind wander when you’re sitting at your desk job?

When you’re feeling listless – pretty sure there must be more but maybe unsure where, what or how you get there?

My mind wanders to wide open spaces with mountains, lakes or the crashing sound of waves – and buzzy social hubs nearby – rich in social opportunities as well as the peace that spectacular natural beauty affords.

12108742_777238915719714_3009237177529126155_n-2

12144680_777238935719712_8020060490095718910_n

Above is me near such a place on the beach at Lacanau near Bordeaux. A day in nature replenishes my soul in a way that’s hard to capture in words. It also brings me professional inspiration on a level far beyond office walls.

So I ask you this today, dear Gazer.

Where is your bliss?

Why Learning Not To Judge Is The Greatest Gift Of All

Which side of the line do you fall, wee one? How empathetic are you? When was the last time you truly listened, suspending your own views of what you’d do in the same situation and resisting judging someone for taking a different approach? When was the last time you truly tried to step into another’s world, thoughts and outlook – entirely?

If coaching has taught me one thing, it’s this. Judging is as easy as breathing in and out but it takes little account of another person’s values, drivers, sensitivities, experiences and ideals. In short, that another may be entirely different to you – on many levels – near and far – and has as much right to a different way of thinking as you do yours.

For even if in little ways, we are all wholly unique beings with different tunes singing in our ears, different visions beaming from our eyes and different feelings weaving in our hearts.

From the different school environments we grow up in to our different families, friends, boyfriends and jobs, we are all shaped in entirely different ways. And these run deep in forging our identities and day to day views.

In other words, we don’t see things as they are – we see them as we are. There is no absolute truth – no right or wrong – we all have different realities – all the time.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

Listening-Quote

So today, dear Gazer, take more time to listen – to really hear what someone is saying to you. Try to resist that inner voice inside judging what you’re hearing – because all that really is is a projection of your world – your thoughts – your ideas – on to someone who comes from quite another – no matter how similar or different.

Even if they look the same as you, sound the same as you, seem the same as you, dig deep and try to respect and honour the beauty of how they see the world.

There really is nothing better than feeling heard. If you’re the listener, you’ll learn more about worlds different to your own and deepen your understanding of another – and from the other side, you’ll feel loved, respected and in the quietness of that interchange, much closer to hearing things as they really are.

The Line That Made Elizabeth Gilbert Want To Marry Her Husband

str2_ma_2210_p17k Elizabeth Gilbert author

For those of you who don’t know Liz Gilbert, she’s the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love – a woman who picked herself, suicidal, up off the floor, amidst a ruined marriage and set off on a year’s pilgrimage around the world to find herself. And find herself she did – and her soulmate – with stunning aplomb.

This is a woman with brains, beauty, courage and warmth to boot. There aren’t quite words for souls like these.

Here’s What Liz’ Husband Says About Love

o-ELIZABETH-GILBERT-AND-HUSBAND-JOSE-NUNES-facebook

“A woman’s place is in the kitchen, with her feet up with a glass of wine, watching her husband cook her a meal”.

… “He’ll pour me a glass of wine and say, now darling, what happened today? Tell me everything.”

“And I think to myself, how did I win this life?!”

‘I was telling a friend and she said, ”because you blossomed into the sort of person who attracted a man like that and you learned how to treat yourself so well on your own that when someone came along who treated you well, you finally recognised what that feels like – because you’ve been doing it to yourself the whole time.”

“And you’re like – oh he treats me the way I treat myself now – ok let’s go”.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

quotes-happiness-elizabeth-gilbert-600x411

So if you’re one of my lovely gazers feeling disillusioned with love, remember the great journey Liz went on. A journey devoted to self-care, self-love and self-discovery. A journey which took her from isolation, desperation and depression to the kind of love you just don’t hear about too often – the soaring kind which – as you can see below – brings tears to her eyes. The good kind!

So instead of fixating on the end of your journey, the attainment of your goal, refocus on the journey – a journey rich in love for yourself. Because as Liz herself so beautifully explains, it’s the surest way to wider happiness.