Category Archives: Blog

The Secret To Goal Setting Like A Millionaire

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We’re trained to think of New Year and birthdays as milestones – measures of how far we’ve come and how far we haven’t – and how far we may or may not have to go. Black or white – wow or ouch – you got it – they can feel real abrasive and just plain

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But they don’t have to – and here’s why.

Age is but a number and dates are mere rolling stones of time which are constantly ticking along every second of every day. New Year is no different.

It is, however, a powerful and positive time for reflection.

So reflect on this, wee one.

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You, yes you, have a heck of a lot more power to control your destiny than you realise – and to change your future.

And ‘milestones’ like year ends can be truly wonderful yardsticks for setting and committing to your future goals in a big and brilliant way.

Sound boring? Au contraire.. More like the best 10 minute investment you could make in your future, reducing anxiety and increasing certainty ten fold.

Especially With The Help Of These

**3 Powerful Secrets To High-Flying Goal Setting**

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1) The most successful people are goal-orientated. You got it – the Richard Bransons, Steve Jobs’, Venus Williams’ and Oprah Winfreys of the world. You wanna be more successful? In whatever sense whether money, love or career? Get setting goals!

2) What’s the difference between setting a goal and acting on it? Like actually going on the run you plan to go on but never do? Write – it – down. Simples, right? Jot down a positive statement starting with ‘I want’ and include a specific start and end time. Try it – it works!

3) And the best magic trick of all to kick-start your motivational levels? The Rocking Chair Test.

Imagine your life 5 years down the line if you DON’T fulfil your dream (and by dream I mean one you really WANT, not one you think you SHOULD pursue). How bad will you feel? And how will that negatively affect other important areas of your life?

Now imagine how good you’ll feel if your greatest wish comes true? How different does your life feel? How sweet are the sounds, the sights and the resources around you? Breathe that in.

And if you’re still in doubt as to why bother setting goals?

Without goals you are likely to DRIFT and when you drift, you are not in control. You have relinquished your basic right to shape your future. In doing this, you also surrender your freedom of action which restricts your choices and can lead to frustration, anxiety, fear and stress. Who wants those mood-killers eating away at them?

Why Bother?

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So y’see, sitting down for ten minutes this New Years Eve for a dig-deep into your soul session is a one way route to success boomeranging backatcha!

Just one word of warning – when you set an intention and really want it – just be prepared to get it!

 

How Being More Selfish Is The Best Way To Love

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How often do you look outwards to others to make you happy? When was the last you felt angry with someone for feeling bad – whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or otherwise?

When was the last time you talked in circles to a friend about someone causing you pain or something not being fair – I can think of a fair few examples…

And while it’s very human to look to others to make you happy, the moment that steps into reliance and blame you’re stepping into victim zone and letting someone else determine your happiness – not those powerful inner resources which really determine your sense of peace.

And while making someone else responsible for your happiness is one of the easiest mistakes to make – it’s also one of the slippiest slopes you can go down – creating unhealthy victim-master dynamics in relationships which are just plain bad for everyone.

What Jada Pinkett Teaches Us About Love

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For as Jada Pinkett so beautifully explains in the short clip below, while society may suggest that the best mums sacrifice everything for their children or that the best partners do everything for their spouses – this just ain’t what happiness is made of.

In actual fact, what really happens if you spend too much of your life focusing all of your energies on others?

What happens when your perfectly formed children, your life masterpieces, grow up and take paths of their own – which, by the way – may not make you happy?

The shit hits the fan, that’s what.

**Newsflash**

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True happiness and balance is a personal responsibility and it starts from within – whether meditating in the morning, taking time out to plan your next soul-sizzling goal or making yourself the most delicious meal you could possibly imagine – just for you.

And while healthy relationships are a two way street and sometimes require frank communication and accountability, next time you feel unhappy, try to resist pointing that finger of blame outwards.

Instead, ask yourself how you can focus more on project you and let the person who’s taking up so much of your airtime come along for the ride – if they so desire. And watch the balance shift.

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So if you do one thing this Christmas, wee one, remember this simple formula:

1. You have a right to be happy;
2. Happiness starts from within;
3. Your inner happiness is what determines the rest.

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So learn to be a little more selfish this Christmas – get practising for next year – and watch the rest fall into line – just as it’s meant to.

And for more where that came from, check out Will Smith’s dynamo of a wife here:

Steve Jobs: What His Deathbed Regrets Teach Us About Happiness

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“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to”

Steve Jobs

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Happy Christmas, wee ones. Christmas isn’t a time of joy for everyone – but however you feel about the impending festivities – excited, romantic, lonely, irritated – cherish your time off the treadmill of life to consider what matters most.

Steve Jobs, the man who seemed to have it all, said it pretty well from his deathbed.

So pour yourself a mug of summit warm and absorb every nugget of wisdom in the words below – for those for whom time is short are the ones who truly see life for what it is, how it should be lived and how it shouldn’t:

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“At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life support machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

There should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days.

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

Those are the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? The sick bed…

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.

Treat yourself well.

Cherish others”.

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Liz Gilbert: Why Soulmates Are The Opposite Of What You Think

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“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life” 

Elizabeth Gilbert, International Bestselling Author Of Eat Pray Love

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Elizabeth Gilbert’s musings on what constitutes soul mates resonates with me more than any of the sugary stuff I’ve come across over the years – especially in the wake of a few seemingly wonderful partnerships ending of late – the very ones I’d speculated were some of the most ‘perfect’ of the lot.

While I’ve never been married, I’ve experienced and witnessed a rainbow spectrum of loves in my time – all teaching positive lessons along the way (even if some felt a little more negative at points..)

Confusing and clarifying, deadening and electrifying, stressing and soothing, love is one of the greatest levellers in life, holding a mirror up to who we really are, what we want and also what we need.

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And it’s those unexpected endings I mentioned that got me thinking more about soul mates than any of the picture perfect love stories – what soul mates are, how they feel, how this differs for each of us and how knowing what you want in a soul mate may just be one of the great makers or breakers of longterm love.

And if you’re wondering why Elizabeth should know anything about the game of love, here’s why I think she does.

She had the balls to leave her first marriage and (literally) pick herself up off her bathroom floor – spirit in tatters – to embark on a year-long, soul-peeling pilgrimage to rediscover herself – where she unexpectedly discovered her soul mate (in Brazil).

Here’s a lady who has seen both sides of the coin – the good, bad and the just plain ugly – and blissfully happy though she seems, her view of love seems refreshingly uncanny, candid and striking.

I hope you enjoy xo

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The Uplifting Truth William Blake Teaches Us About Suffering

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Happy Monday, wee one :)

Here’s a magical tool from William Blake to help you traverse life’s challenges, minimise neurosis and maximise calm – no matter what’s going on around you.

“Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.”

Whether relationship breakdown, work stress, ill health or general life uncertainty, remember – we are made for both joy and woe.

It’s the woe that helps us to recognise the joy and the experience of both which enriches wisdom, empathy and love – the greatest gifts of life.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So next time you feel yourself polarising situations or emotions – as the media and social media may have us do – remember this – nobody ever said life would be plain sailing.

So be kind to yourself during the tough times by all means – but take a step back and remember Blake’s words. Remind yourself of the very real benefits of suffering and resist seeing yourself as a victim. That’s a slippery slope to nowhere fast.

Instead – learn how to suffer – remember the bigger picture and remind yourself that realising the lesson in every test is the only thing to focus on – for that’s how we grow, learn and are ultimately rewarded with joy.

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If You’ve Ever Felt Obsessed By Something, You Need To Read This…

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“The root of suffering is attachment”

Buddha

A wise girl once told me – ‘the one piece of advice I’d give you is never lose your head over something or someone’.

I was in a toxic relationship at the time – hanging on to someone who wasn’t right for me at all – and she could see I was doing just that – losing my head – desperately trying to stay attached to something that was just plain unhealthy.

She had struggled herself once upon a time trying to stay attached to someone who wasn’t as committed as she was. Happily, after a spell teaching in Argentina, he came to his senses and they’re now happily married – wise man – but I’ll never forget what she said.

I’d like you to take a few moments now and think of a time when you felt out of control attached to something or someone – maybe bordering on obsessed.

You know the feeling – when your emotions begin to engulf you like rising flames – stifling inner peace and rational thought. When you feel yourself slipping out of control – like you’re losing yourself in something dangerously addictive but inescapable.

What was the focus of your attachment? A ‘bad’ man or woman? A job you were desperate about? Killing yourself to earn more money? Anxiety you weren’t good enough for something or someone? Fear of losing out in someway? Or maybe just worry.

How Did Chasing Make You Feel?

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How did you feel when you attained it? Better, worse, indifferent, disappointed? Or maybe you never attained it at all. Maybe it slipped away – maybe it was meant to.

Whether chasing money, love or material things, attachment gets us nowhere fast. Take the hedge fund I’ve been working at for the last month. Stamina, performance, back-breaking hours and soaring salaries – off the scale impressive in some ways – but there’s a darker side to attachment which doesn’t make the headlines or dinner party chats.

For overwhelming commercial forces – overwhelming anythings in life – are the very things which can erode what matters most – relationships – friendships – sanity – health – peace – fun – and most of all – our sense of self.

Why We Need To Learn To Let Go

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As the momentous Dr Wayne Dyer put it:

“Part of the meaning we gain by letting go is a movement toward real contentment. Most stress in our lives results from hanging on to beliefs that keep us striving for more, because ego stubbornly believes we need it. When we make the shift away from attachment, the influence of our ego fades. We replace attachment with contentment. Chasing and striving—and then becoming attached to what we chased after—is a source of anxiety that feeds Ambition, but it won’t satisfy the need for Meaning at our soul level.”

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So work on being less attached to people and things this weekend, wee one. Cultivate an attachment to the self through doing what YOU love, what brings YOU peace and joy and what leaves YOU feeling centred and grounded.

If you’re not sure what that is, take a stroll in nature amongst the autumn leaves. Stop and listen to the wind in the trees and you will start hearing that little voice within – pure as crystal and far removed from the ego. For that, wee one, is where the real stuff resides.

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…and as for my friend who is now happily married – maybe it wasn’t just about him coming to his senses – maybe it was also about her coming to hers – learning to become a little less attached – a little less emotional – a little more centred – and just more her.

4 Wayne Dyer Quotes To Lift Your Soul

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‘You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you’

Wayne Dyer

Happy Friday, gazers.

Here are some soul nourishing quotes from the fabulous Wayne Dyer, internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development.

Enjoy :)

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The Line That Made Elizabeth Gilbert Want To Marry Her Husband

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For those of you who don’t know Liz Gilbert, she’s the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love – a woman who picked herself, suicidal, up off the floor, amidst a ruined marriage and set off on a year’s pilgrimage around the world to find herself. And find herself she did – and her soulmate – with stunning aplomb.

This is a woman with brains, beauty, courage and warmth to boot. There aren’t quite words for souls like these.

Here’s What Liz’ Husband Says About Love

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“A woman’s place is in the kitchen, with her feet up with a glass of wine, watching her husband cook her a meal”.

… “He’ll pour me a glass of wine and say, now darling, what happened today? Tell me everything.”

“And I think to myself, how did I win this life?!”

‘I was telling a friend and she said, ”because you blossomed into the sort of person who attracted a man like that and you learned how to treat yourself so well on your own that when someone came along who treated you well, you finally recognised what that feels like – because you’ve been doing it to yourself the whole time.”

“And you’re like – oh he treats me the way I treat myself now – ok let’s go”.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So if you’re one of my lovely gazers feeling disillusioned with love, remember the great journey Liz went on. A journey devoted to self-care, self-love and self-discovery. A journey which took her from isolation, desperation and depression to the kind of love you just don’t hear about too often – the soaring kind which – as you can see below – brings tears to her eyes. The good kind!

So instead of fixating on the end of your journey, the attainment of your goal, refocus on the journey – a journey rich in love for yourself. Because as Liz herself so beautifully explains, it’s the surest way to wider happiness.

The Simple Way To Move From Where You Are Now To Where You Want To Be

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“Come forth into the light of things,
Let nature be your teacher”

William Wordsworth

Where do you feel most at home? And how can you be sure you really know? How much of an explorer are you – whether geographically, socially or otherwise?

How often do you talk to people from different worlds or even objective third parties – whether counsellors, coaches or wise old sages – about you – your life – and what you really want but have never given yourself the time – or permission to explore?

How often do you listen to that quiet voice inside and dare to hear what your shadow self is whispering?

How Do You Know If You’re Where You’re Meant To Be?

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If you’d have asked me where I saw myself 5 years ago, I probably would’ve seen myself climbing the corporate ladder as a family lawyer and I can safely say I wouldn’t have even thought of moving abroad.

And while family law seemed to tick many boxes, I now see why it niggled – even before I started down that path – because it neglected those deeper parts of my soul which need feeding – like work-life balance, creative expression and the freedom to work wherever and with whoever I choose.

I now know that that freedom lies at the heart of who I am – even the struggles and fears that run alongside exploring the world – whether geographically, socially or otherwise.

And if you’re not yet sure what you want out of life, ask yourself how you want to feel on your deathbed looking back at your life.

When I ask myself this question, I see myself as a wrinkly old lady having lived in various countries, speaking various languages, having mixed with people at all levels of society and having inspired people to find their true paths in life.

How Do You Know If You’re Living Your Life In Accordance With Your Values?

What brings you awakening, wee one? When do you feel truly alive, excited and right where you’re meant to be? If you’re not sure, ask yourself when you feel truly frustrated and turn this on its head.

For me, that moment of clarity came after I realised that having time for fun was quite simply – top – of – my – list. You got it – FUN. An unashamed, liberating – but clear – as – mud – truth!

How did I know this was so important to me? Because every time I felt angry, tearful and worried – whether sitting at my desk late at night at work missing another dinner party with friends – or ending up fighting tears in the work car park on a Saturday – it was because I felt I was missing out on having fun. And turns out that mattered. A LOT!

How Can You Implement Your Truth?

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How can you change your life when you’ve realised what lights you up? How can you implement your new reality?

Simple – baby steps – and logic.

For me, this was quite simply writing a list of the things I loved and wanted to do after leaving law – not necessarily with any longterm certainty – but starting point activities that made me feel good.

Here are some of the things that featured:

\\ Writing
\\ Learning Spanish
\\ Becoming fluent in French
\\ Doing a life coaching course
\\ Going to New York – skiing – and possibly Europe

And what a journey that list has taken me on.

My brief spell doing a Spanish course in Madrid truly awakened my creative energy – and in that calm, free space it was clear writing had to feature in my life – as I’d wanted it to, deep down, from the very beginning.

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Taking the next step and moving to Madrid and Chamonix awakened my senses further – to sounds, smells, tastes, landscapes and paths I now can’t believed I’d never truly tasted. The friends I made from across the globe – Americans, Canadians, French, Spaniards, Swedes, Brazilians, Australians and beyond – opened my eyes to new worlds and free-thinking spaces which freed me to hear my instincts – loud and clear.

Picture one at the top of this page is where my heart lies now – far from the cityscapes I thought fed my soul. Near nature, near trees and near the landscapes I had such a connection to in the books I studied at school.

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I can now see that maybe there was a reason why teachers commented on the way I wrote about nature. A reason why I was drawn to the lakes of Geneva in Frankenstein and the powerful effect nature had in soothing his overarching ambition and bringing him balance.

Maybe there was a reason why The Crucible moved me so powerfully as a young girl – before I knew who I really was. I’ll never forget the surge of admiration I felt at John Proctor’s defiant refusal to submit to societal pressure at the end of his life – to be anyone but his authentic, flawed and real self.

What Do Less Authentic Choices Teach You?

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I now see that living your life in accordance with your true values is the greatest gift of all – and my greatest wish for my coachees and friends.

Being true to yourself and having the courage to live the life you want, even if it creates ripples – is the difference between fulfilment and disillusionment – between living and existing.

So I ask you today, wee one. Where do you feel most at home – most at peace – most alive – most joyful?

Forget what others think, forget the ‘shoulds’, let go of the ego and listen to that voice inside, no matter how quiet and tucked away.

And even if you don’t know where, with whom, or how you want to live your life – yet – take this first step.

Make A List – Write It Down – Manifest Your Truth

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Make that little list of what you love doing and what you want in your life – and follow the most comfortable thing on there first.

Don’t look too far ahead. Just implement the first step.

The rest will take care of itself, I promise.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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Once you’ve dared to put your authenticity out there – you’ve made the crucial first step. And from there the universe will guide you where you are meant to go – one – step – at – a – time.

The key is being authentic – putting the real you out there – that’s what lies at the root of the magic.

So do what scares you, do what you’re not meant to, forget the shoulds and indulge the wants – only then will you really awaken your soul. And that, wee Gazer, is where joy and peace align – and where happiness takes root.

#authenticity

#truth

#happiness

#peace

#fulfilment

The Surprising Truth Why Negative Self-Image Just Ain’t True

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As my journey reading the life-changing book – ‘The Art Of Happiness‘ – draws to a serene and soul-enriching close, here is another bountiful Buddhist insight on a modern neurosis that’s affected us all at one time or another – negative self-image.

Shaped by our parents and upbringing, the implicit messages that we pick up about ourselves as we grow and develop can easily topple into negative self-talk that we carry with us through-out our lives.

Where Does Negative Self-Talk Come From?

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Self-hatred can creep into our lives and be exacerbated when our behaviour fails to live up to our idealised self-image – a self-image culturally reinforced by environmental factors like Facebook and Twitter which can feel as stiflingly present as the air that we breathe.

Why This Negativity Ain’t Real…

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But here’s the good news! The notion that self-hatred is a widespread human problem is challenged by the reality that it is virtually unheard of within cultures such as the Tibetan culture.

This strongly reminds us that this troubling mental state, like all other negative mental states, is not an intrinsic part of the human mind.

It is not something we are born with, irrevocably saddled with, nor is it an indelible characteristic of our nature.

It can be removed.

This realisation alone can serve to weaken its power, give us hope and increase our commitment to eliminate it.

How Real Are The Burdens You Carry Around?

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And that’s one of the great beauties of this wonderful book – so rich in spiritual learnings. Based on a western psychiatrist’s interviews with the Dalai Lama, it unites learnings from the East and the West to powerful effect – challenging all sorts of burdensome assumptions we carry with us in the spaceless vortex of city life.

How Can You Apply This In Your Daily Life?

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So next time you feel weighed down by the noise of life – like the walls of social media are caving in on you – like you can’t recall what’s special about you – or life – pick up a book like this one and treat yourself to some deep-healing, Eastern meditation that will replenish your mind and soothe your soul.

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#selflove

#spiritualhealing

#dalailama

#buddhism